How to Have A Better Conversation

Here are ten ways to create a better conversation ( Celeste Headlee`s Presentation):

1.  Be presents. be in that moment. if you dont like with the conversation, just walk out. avoid tobe in in half in and half out. be focus and enjoy. 

2. Better not to be a pontificate person. Having opinion is good but be an open-minded. let people argue, push back, rebutt, or even counter act it. It help you find the new insight and justification toward the issue. It is boring to have a pundit is very boring. and make sure it is never be you. always bury in your mind that in every conversation, there have to be something new to learn. everty person is an expert in something. let them share.  Adam Scoct Pett ( A famous therapist) said that true listening requires a setting  aside of oneself, including but not limited to personal opinion. 

3. Better to use open-ended question. instead of asking "are you okay?" which as you guess the answer might be "yes or no, why dont you say "how do you feel?" "what happend?" which the answer might be elaborated. let them describe it, they know what happened. too complicated question will only get a very simple question. people only will focus on "keyword". keep the question simple and short yet sufficient. 

4. Be with the flow. when your partner speak, let the idea comes to your mind and go out of your mind. give your respond sufficiently. avoid the question that out of nowhere. sometimes, people just forget what is the previous one and stop listening just because they got something new in their head. avoid that. it will cause you to be irresponsible with the question you have asked before. never stop listening. again, be focus. stories and ideas are gonna come to you.  let them come and let them go. dont worry about running out of something to say. you are smart. 

5.  Better to say "I dont know" if you dont know. be really aware about what you are saying. talk should not be cheap. 

6. Better not equate your experience with them. you probably think that the similar story come the same to you. no, never. what they feel might be totally different with how we perceive it. for eaxmple, if they talk of losing family member, dont start to talk about the same thing, it will never be the same. better not to. if they complain about their job, dont start to tell how you really hate your job. it will never be the same. conversation is not a promotional opportunity. 

7. Try not to repeat yourself. its really condescending and boring. when you have a point to make, no need to rephrase it and say it over and over. dont do that

8. Stay out of the weeds. frankly people dont really pay attention to the details like year, date, name etc. they just care about you. what make you and them in common. so leave the detail out.

9. This is the most important point to take care of. listen. there are so many professional emphasizing the importance of listening. Buddha said (pharaprased) if you open your mounth, you are not listening. Yes, it takes effort and energy to actually pay attention to someone. but if you can`t do that, you are not in conversations. it is just two peole shouting out barely relating sentences in the same place. it is said that we are mostly listening not to understand but to reply.

10.  Be brief. " a conversation is like a miniskirt. short enough to retain the interest but long enough to cover the subject"

Remember, everyone is interesting. they carry something wonderful within their mind. dig it through good conversationand you are going to be awesome. shut your mouth and open your mind.